I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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