Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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