My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
