I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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