i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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