they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
