matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
