Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
