I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
