i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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