OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize