I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
