Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
