New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
