Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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