I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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