Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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