Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
