I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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