So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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