I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
