Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
