If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
