She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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