I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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