hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out