i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
third nipple confirmed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.