Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."

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  (614): If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers." http://tfl.nu/20g9
  Replies (6) Good night (1819) Bad night (658)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.

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  (917): Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries. http://tfl.nu/38u7
  Replies (10) Good night (1081) Bad night (3257)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  and...?

  (936): View more from Texas

  I told him it was alright.

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  (936): he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him. (812): and...? (936): I told him it was alright. http://tfl.nu/yirn
  Replies (28) Good night (4093) Bad night (5806)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.

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  (402): Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance. http://tfl.nu/wzxx
  Replies (8) Good night (1109) Bad night (2911)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..

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  (410): And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love.. http://tfl.nu/9pu8
  Replies (19) Good night (5322) Bad night (1300)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.

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  (704): Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer. http://tfl.nu/6wvk
  Replies (9) Good night (2204) Bad night (1046)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.

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  (770): She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40. http://tfl.nu/qfdq
  Replies (7) Good night (2507) Bad night (928)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway

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  (651): I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway http://tfl.nu/e0rj
  Replies (2) Good night (1370) Bad night (509)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again

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  (978): No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again http://tfl.nu/wayk
  Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (538)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.

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  (402): Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag. http://tfl.nu/nvod
  Replies (2) Good night (627) Bad night (787)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W

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  (603): Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W http://tfl.nu/om4e
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (684)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter

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  (907): I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter http://tfl.nu/wvk4
  Replies (13) Good night (762) Bad night (641)
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  (530): View more from California

  I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."

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  (530): I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them." http://tfl.nu/ps6s
  Replies (1) Good night (476) Bad night (357)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.

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  (815): In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was. http://tfl.nu/3izl
  Replies (0) Good night (603) Bad night (327)
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  (872): View more from Illinois

  i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.

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  (872): i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going. http://tfl.nu/c51c
  Replies (4) Good night (867) Bad night (246)

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