Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after