He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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