I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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