she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
