Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
