Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
