What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
