I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
