Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
