You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
