You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
