I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
