Where did you get a picture of my penis
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
