Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
