Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
