so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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