Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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