dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
