so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
