i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
