I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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