My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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