On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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