You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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