Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
