hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
