I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize