there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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