youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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