He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
