She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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