you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
