It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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