His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
