so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
