Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is premature balding
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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