am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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