it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
