Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
