Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
