There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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