he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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