The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
