hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
