dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
