I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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