Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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