i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
