I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh god the rape fog is back!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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