I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
