I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
