my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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