I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
