I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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