I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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