come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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