PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
