Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
