uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
please come you make the beer taste better
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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