I think im going to throw up on grandma
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
