I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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