Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
