Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
