I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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