i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
